Self-Care Isn’t Selfish — Saying No to Others and Yes to Yourself

Thrive • Jul 26, 2021

Self-care can be difficult to fit into your life, especially if you struggle to say no to others. Though you may receive a rush of validation when you make others happy, constantly saying yes to people can result in neglecting your own emotional wellbeing — leaving you with little energy for self-care.

STRUGGLING WITH SELF-CARE?

If you’re always saying yes to others, it can be hard to make space for your own desires. When you align everyone’s desires with your own, taking a moment for just yourself can wrack you with guilt. The thought of saying no to a dinner invitation so you can spend a relaxing night at home may not even cross your mind. 

If this sounds like you, this is your sign to stop compromising your own self-care. Instead of worrying about making others happy, commit to fulfilling your wants — like reading the next chapter of your novel, going on a long walk alone, or meditating.  

Remember, it’s your life. While compromise and flexibility are important aspects of all relationships, you don’t want to lose yourself while attempting to please others. There’s freedom in saying no. By declining other’s requests, you will have more time to explore your own desires.

SELF-CARE = INTUITION

We can get so caught up in fulfilling day-to-day obligations and meeting other people’s expectations. But it’s important to take a quiet moment to see how you’re feeling and consider what you really want from life. Your inner-most desires deserve to be acknowledged, but you’ll never be able to hear them if you don’t take time to check in with yourself. At its essence, this is exactly what self-care is — time to focus on yourself. 

START SAYING YES TO YOURSELF

Not everything you do needs to add to someone else’s life, so stop making decisions based on what would make others happiest. Try doing things just for you, even if they seem frivolous at first. Don’t talk yourself out of taking an art class, going on a solo bike ride, or indulging in a restaurant dinner for one. Instead, listen to yourself, acknowledge your desires, and follow your intuition. 

As you become more in tune with your mental-emotional state, being honest with yourself will come more naturally. You will begin to feel empowered to live authentically. It all starts with saying no to obligations that don’t support your interests, and saying yes to self-care.

A MASSAGE FOR YOUR MIND

Still not exactly sure how to fit self-care into your life? Therapy can provide a welcome outlet for you to process your emotions and regain your balance. Thrive offers outpatient therapy to help you understand your mental-emotional state and promote your personal growth. Reach out to us to learn more.

By Sage Tippie 23 Apr, 2024
Spring Cleaning Benefits for Mental Health Spring is a time of new beginnings, change, and transitions, including in our homes. With the warmer weather kicking motivation into high gear, Spring can be a prime time to do a deep clean. Not only is a clean space aesthetically pleasing to the eyes, but it can also help to improve your mental health. Learn about how tidying up your space can also tidy up your thoughts below along with tips for cleaning when you’re struggling with your mental health. 4 Reasons Why Cleaning is Beneficial to Mental health 1.Decreased Stress Not only does an uncluttered space provide a sense of calm, but the physical act of cleaning can release feel-good endorphins, reducing feelings of stress and anxiety. As you cross tasks off your checklist, your body also releases Dopamine. Also known as the “happy hormone”, Dopamine provides a sense of accomplishment and pride that can promote motivation in other areas of our lives. 2. Improved Focus Studies have shown that an uncluttered space can also lead to an uncluttered mind. Your focus can be drawn away from important tasks by a chaotic, messy space. Research has also shown a connection between procrastination and clutter, as an unwillingness to tackle larger chores like cleaning can translate over into various areas of our lives. By keeping your space tidy, it can inspire you to stay on top of other major tasks like work and school assignments. 3. Regulated Emotions According to this 2015 study , cleaning can function as a practice in mindfulness, providing an increased sense of calm and inspiration. Slowing down while cleaning gives you room to relax and free your mind of burdens, stressors, and irritants that can affect your mental health. Cleaning can even be considered a practice of self-care as the action helps you to connect with yourself and the outcome allows you to better enjoy your own space. 4. Sense of Order and Control When experiencing mental health struggles, people may feel a lack of control over their lives and emotions. Cleaning even small areas of the home can provide an increased sense of order and control as you cross tasks off your to-do list. Through realizing your own power by simply completing minor tasks like cleaning, it can reaffirm your ability to do more. 10 Tips for Cleaning When Struggling with Mental Health Mental health struggles and disorders commonly create barriers to one’s ability to clean and properly practice personal hygiene. Although these behaviors are normal side effects of mental health disorders, we want to work to aid our clients in cleaning to the best of their ability even in difficult times. Below, Thrive Wellness occupational therapist Meadow Deason shares some helpful tips she gives to clients when they struggle with cleaning due to mental health conditions: 1.Ask For Help Having support to clean can make a huge difference. Do the cleaning with the person helping you and have them hold you accountable. 2. Don't Wait for Motivation Motivation might not come before action, but it can build as you begin to see the results of your efforts. 3. Start Small Start with one area or one task and go from there. For example, concentrate on your bedroom first and then move on to the living room and bathroom. 4. Do Something Daily Even if you do only one small cleaning task a day, doing that one task creates momentum and prevents small tasks from building up and becoming overwhelming. 5. Use Sensory Modulation Change your environment by playing music, adjusting the lighting, or using aromatherapy. This can help to put you in a new headspace for cleaning. 6. Start with "High Impact" Tasks Start with more intensive or all-over cleaning tasks such as picking up clutter or doing the dishes. The visual "noise" of some tasks makes a large impact on the entire space, building motivation to continue cleaning. 7. Make a To-Do List Write a detailed to-do list of tasks and cross them off as you go. Physically marking down what you’ve accomplished can promote increased motivation. 8. Reward Yourself Set up a reward system where you reward yourself with a favorite activity or item when you complete a task as an incentive to clean. 9. Use the Rocket Method Don't think about it, just choose a task, countdown from five or ten and then start. This can help you to avoid potential anxiety and dread that can prevent you from cleaning. 10. Gamify Tasks Make up a game for your tasks or time yourself to promote increased engagement in cleaning. Your ability to complete tasks can be affected by a multitude of different factors and conditions including OCD , anxiety, depression , ADHD , and more. If you are struggling with motivation due to your mental health, help is here at Thrive Wellness.
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