Withering Relationships: Reviving the Connection or Peacefully Parting Ways

Thrive • February 24, 2022

By Thrive Reno Therapist Brett Glanzmann, MFT

THREE INDICATORS OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Healthy relationships flourish with independence, honesty, empathy, trust, compromise, and effort. However, just as no person is perfect, no relationship is entirely flawless either. Addressing harmful behaviors early on can keep them from ruining the relationship. Possessiveness, competitiveness, and contempt are strong indicators that a relationship is deteriorating.

Possessiveness 

Within a relationship, partners should have the ability to maintain independent identities. This is called differentiation. Possessiveness doesn’t allow space for differentiation. Instead, possessiveness can be used to control a partner, overtake their sense of independence, and diminish their sense of self. 

A possessive partner may:

  • Attempt to control their partner’s time
  • Constantly check in on their partner
  • Control who their partner spends time with
  • Exhibit extreme jealousy
  • Move fast within the relationship, such as by saying, “I love you,” soon after just meeting
  • Snoop through their partner’s texts, emails, or social media

Competitiveness

While friendly competition between partners can act as a fun and flirty diversion, excessive competitiveness occurs when partners don’t work like they’re on the same team. Extreme competitiveness can cause partners to experience low self-esteem and place relationships in jeopardy. 

Excessive competitiveness may be expressed as:

  • Engaging in fights that don’t involve listening to each other, but are solely focused on being right for the sake of “winning”
  • Taking opportunities to belittle, criticize, demean, or blame one’s partner
  • Inability to compromise
  • Resenting one’s partner’s successes
  • Avoiding being vulnerable with one’s partner
  • Frequently using ultimatums to manipulate one’s partner

Contempt

The Gottman Institute , a research-based relationship resource, maintains that contempt is one of the strongest indicators of an unhealthy relationship. Contempt is characterized by a long-simmering disgust not only for a partner’s behavior but their very existence. 

Contempt may be expressed as:

  • Condescension, or feeling superior to one’s partner
  • Hostile humor, such as using sarcasm, mocking, or mimicking one’s partner
  • Disrespectful non-verbal cues, such as eye-rolling or sneering

RELATIONSHIP CHECK-INS 

When destructive behaviors are swept under the rug, they can provoke feelings of resentment and become detrimental to relationships. A weekly relationship check-in can keep unhealthy behaviors at bay by encouraging partners to engage in productive communication. 

To mitigate any nerves and foster insightful conversations, relationship check-ins should be: 

  • Welcoming: Relationships check-ins don’t need to be formal, tense, or intimidating. Instead, they should provide casual opportunities for partners to express themselves honestly without fear of judgment. 
  • Comfortable: Partners should choose a mutually convenient time and place that invites them to focus on the conversation in a calm environment with limited distractions. 
  • Affirming: Partners should approach the conversations with the intent to engage in active listening, empathy, and affirmation. 

By creating space for regular, constructive communication, relationship check-ins can help partners feel understood and cultivate deeper connections.

WHEN TO CONSIDER COUPLES THERAPY

If facing certain relationship difficulties, couples may want to attend therapy to work through their differences. 

This may be the case if:

Productive communication seems impossible.

When couples are unable to effectively and safely communicate about their relationship problems, they should seek professional support. If partners stonewall conversations about undesirable behaviors or overreact when attempting to address conflicts, a relationship therapist can help couples navigate difficult topics and facilitate positive and productive conversation.

Partners feel stuck in a negative cycle.

If couples feel stuck in a negative cycle of toxic behaviors, they should consider couples therapy. In a negative cycle, one partner’s unhealthy behavior triggers an adverse behavior in the other partner, which amplifies the original action and so on. The catastrophic cycle endures and can spiral out of control. An unbiased professional can help couples replace negative routines with healthy habits rooted in love and respect.

ENDING A RELATIONSHIP PEACEFULLY

If partners refuse to dedicate the necessary effort to mend the relationship or are unable to empathize with each other despite their attempts, they may want to consider concluding their relationship.

Most don’t enter into relationships lightly. Instead, it’s more common for individuals to thoughtfully consider how to join lives with a partner. A similarly thoughtful approach can be beneficial for parting ways. 

Conscious uncoupling is a peaceful relationship-ending strategy designated by Katherine Woodward Thomas, LMFT and further popularized by Esther Perel, LMFT . While conscious uncoupling is best mediated by trained therapists, partners can consciously uncouple by kindly saying goodbye, offering well-wishes, revealing lessons learned, and sharing meaningful memories. 

By allowing individuals to move on with their lives without harboring any resentment, conscience uncoupling can offer amicable endings and beautiful new beginnings for each person involved.  

NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIP AT THRIVE

At Thrive, couples can address relationship complications, strengthen their communication skills, develop a deeper understanding of each other, and foster empathy and compassion. For more information about Thrive’s couples therapy , reach out .

About the Author

Thrive Reno Therapist Brett Glanzmann, MFT

Brett Glanzmann, MFT, earned his master’s degree in counseling from the University of Nevada, Reno. He offers individual, couples, and family therapy, believing that people possess the resources required to maximize their quality of life. Brett has a specific passion for helping all types of couples rediscover their unique connection while growing in their communication skills. He enjoys helping his clients pursue meaning in their everyday lives, removing the obstacles that hinder growth and thriving. Brett also enjoys inclusive, faith-based counseling, having over 20 years of pastoral counseling experience in the Truckee Meadows.

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By Erin McGinty Fort, MS, MHA, CPC, LPC-S, CEDS-C December 18, 2025
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Like the fir tree, a symbol of endurance rooted in hope, our Family Inclusive Recovery (FIR) approach reflects the strength that grows when families face challenges together. At our new residential center “The Greenhouse”, FIR is more than a treatment model, it’s a philosophy of healing that places families at the heart of recovery for adolescents and young adults navigating eating disorders, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). We believe lasting healing doesn’t happen in isolation; it’s built with the support of families through perseverance, hope, and compassionate care. What Is Family Inclusive Recovery (FIR)? Family Intensive Recovery (FIR) is a specialized and immersive approach that actively engages caregivers as central agents in their child’s healing process. Rather than seeing families as contributors to a problem, we view them as essential partners in recovery. Drawing from two evidence-based frameworks, Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) and Family-Based Treatment (FBT), FIR helps families cultivate resilience, confidence, and connection throughout the journey to recovery. Grounded in SPACE and FBT Through the SPACE model, parents learn how to recognize and reduce well-intentioned but unhelpful behaviors known as accommodations that can reinforce anxiety and OCD symptoms. By shifting from rescuing to supporting and challenging, parents develop the confidence to guide their child through discomfort, helping them build distress tolerance and self-trust. Simultaneously, Family-Based Treatment (FBT) empowers families to take an active, compassionate role in their child’s nutritional and emotional recovery. Parents learn how to support weight and nutritional restoration, disrupt the eating disorder’s patterns, and reestablish boundaries that promote health and growing autonomy. Together, these approaches strengthen both the individual and family system, allowing recovery to take root within an environment of empathy and optimism. From Blame to Collaboration A cornerstone of the FIR model is removing blame. At Thrive, parents are not viewed as the cause of their child’s struggles, but rather as key partners in recovery. Treatment focuses on joining forces to create a safe, supportive environment where: Families learn to sit with their child's discomfort alongside them without rushing to fix or control it. Parents practice compassionate firmness, setting boundaries grounded in care and safety. Teens and caregivers rebuild trust through open, honest communication. This collaborative framework helps families reestablish a sense of connection and confidence, fostering long-term resilience and open communication that extends beyond the treatment setting. Why Family Matters in Recovery Recovery from eating disorders, OCD, or anxiety isn’t a one-person job, it requires integrated care including the family. When families learn to navigate challenges together, they can model emotional regulation, reinforce healthy boundaries, and create conditions for sustained recovery. Through FIR, we aim to strengthen attachment bonds, reshape family interactions, and empower every member of the family to grow. The result is not only symptom reduction but also a deeper sense of unity, hope, and shared endurance, just like the steadfast fir tree that stands resilient through every season. Moving Toward Hope Family Inclusive Recovery invites caregivers and loved ones to become active participants in change. It’s a journey of learning, letting go, and leaning into love and acceptance. Together, families and clinicians can cultivate the courage in clients to face uncertainty, and in doing so, help them discover that recovery is not just possible, but enduring. If you’d like to learn more about Family Intensive Recovery at The Greenhouse or how we support families in eating disorder and OCD treatment, reach out to our team today.
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The Greenhouse at Thrive Wellness A New Chapter of Hope and Healing in Nevada On Friday, November 14 , we gathered with our partners at Molina Healthcare to share an important moment for our community. Together, we celebrated Molina’s generous $50,000 grant , an investment that is helping bring The Greenhouse to life. Their support is not only a financial contribution—it’s a statement of belief in the young people and families of Nevada who deserve access to compassionate, evidence-based mental healthcare close to home. This gathering marked the beginning of something we’ve dreamed about for years: a place designed specifically for adolescents and emerging adults to receive the care, connection, and support they need during some of the most vulnerable moments of their lives. Something New Is Growing In early 2026 , Thrive Wellness will open The Greenhouse , Nevada’s first residential treatment center devoted to adolescents and emerging adults navigating eating disorders, anxiety, and OCD . For too long, families have faced a heartbreaking dilemma—send their child far from home for treatment or go without the specialized care they need. The Greenhouse is our answer to that gap. It will be a place where young people can settle into an environment built for healing, where they are understood, supported, and surrounded by a team that believes in their capacity to recover. The Greenhouse represents a natural extension of our mission. It’s a living expression of our belief that recovery is possible—and that with the right support, families can find their footing again. 
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